when i die, know that i was in far greater psychological pain than physical.
know that every time i said ” i love you ” i meant it.
know that when i said ” I’m sorry ” i meant that too.
The Beautiful Ones | Cut Me Out
"You broke me off, you cut me out. You broke me off, you cut me out and now I’m falling apart."
No one fucking cares anymore. Your “friends” won’t be there when you need them most. They act like they care to not make themselves look like the fake person they really are. The person you call your “best friend” will eventually leave and become nothing more than a stranger. Someone you used to know. They will move on with their life like nothing ever happened. Like you never fucking existed. All these years spent being there for someone, wasted. Wasted for what? A fucking lesson? Fuck a lesson and fuck all the wasted time. I hate to say it, and I never in a million years thought I ever would but I regret a lot over the past 4 years. I can’t even list what I regret because it outweighs the stuff I don’t regret. I don’t regret coming to phoenix for school but I sure as hell regret not taking my dream job that I got offered two weeks before I graduated. I thought I made the right decision, but look where I’m at now. Working a job that I didn’t go to school for, that I don’t even want anymore because of what it reminds me of. I struggle just to make it through each day because of how disappointed I am in myself. I let myself go and get tied up in someone. I let myself become dependent, and I shouldn’t have. I let my pride go so far that I needed someone, and I shouldn’t have. I promise to myself that I will never fight to be in someone’s life, ever again. Shit, if you wanted me there, I’d be there. But I’m not and you knew this would happen. You knew eventually I’d get sick and tired and walk away and give up. I’m disappearing. Happy now?
Never underestimate someone with nothing to lose.
it was all a dream
John Green (Looking For Alaska)